Wow, it's been a long time since I've written in this blog. However I wanted to write about my experience at PortCon that has nothing to do with my art or jewelry and is related to the issues being discussed in the atheist/skeptic communities related to TAM and other skeptic cons. PortCon is not atheist/skepticism related, it's a gaming and anime convention in Portland, Maine. I was there this weekend participating in the Artists' Alley so this was a work situation for me though also very fun (and I made a lot of money).
Two contrasting things happened while I was working my table which are relevant to the discussion on harassment and proper behavior at cons. One is an acceptable way to approach a woman at a con and the other is a wrong way to do it. First the right one:
A man, around my own age or maybe a little younger, came up to my table. He really liked my work, asked me about why I create the pieces I do and how long they take to make and we chatted about it for a while, he took one of my business cards (which has my number) and before he left he told me he thought I was very pretty and had sexy lips. Definitely one of those moments that makes me consider the merits of polyamory.
And now the wrong one: A man in his 40s (I mention this to point out he was more than old enough to know better not because I have an issue with older guys, my boyfriend will be 39 in a couple months) kept repeatedly coming up to my table to talk to me about the most random things. I think in an attempt to find something I was interested in. Nothing in what he said was inappropriate but his persistence was (every 2-3 hours over 3 days). He kept returning after both I and my friend Dany made it very clear he wasn't welcome. I didn't report him but I was very close to doing so if his comments had elevated from annoying and random to sexual or otherwise upsetting in any way.
Okay so what in these two situations made them different? Are there times that comment about my lips would be inappropriate? Of course. However
after chatting for a little while and gauging if the other person shows
signs of interest (and I did, he was my physical type) is an okay time
to do that. If some random guy, no matter how attractive, had sprung
that on me cold it would not have gone over well. It's okay to hit on
people at cons after having some interaction with them first and not
using any pressure tactics (this means: don't corner them, stop if asked, and otherwise treat them as a human being and not meat). What is not okay is repeatedly approaching someone who is not interested and has no way to retreat, I was working my table I couldn't just leave the con (I was barely able to leave my table to eat and use the bathroom) because I agreed to be there the whole weekend and had several thousand dollars worth of merchandise with me.
It's frustrating to me that some people don't respect others enough to care whether the attention is wanted or not. I shouldn't have to worry about being harassed at an event where I am working and unfortunately regardless or whether an event has a harassment policy it's likely to happen. The difference is that when there is a harassment or conduct policy in place people who are harassed have a means of recourse. I'm glad my experience at PortCon was overwhelmingly positive and the negative bits didn't rise to the level of needing to involve the security staff but I was glad to know they were around and available. If I didn't have that assurance I'm sure I'd have felt a lot less safe even in such a crowded area as the Artists' Alley.
